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I was described by a family friend as very loving at age two, but then I bullied a child at age five and I was suicidal at age seven, downhill from there and associated for 40 plus years. Overall more overt sympathetic activation. When I think of people, I see images of me as a carcass being picked at, I feel enraged when people need anything from me as it feels they’re going to suck the life out of me. I want cry and leave me the F alone. Engaging in healthy aggression and feeling good releases, yet it’s not reducing the terror. Suggestions.

So lately I’ve been having fear of falling asleep like I could die when asleep. Also, I’m having a jerking awake sensation while nodding off, sometimes up to 30 or more times a night. Would this be sympathetic activation? Any tips to calm myself down to get some sleep?

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