Choices about sexual partners. How do I work with this?
Call Tag: grief
Does freeze lift all at once or in layers?
I often experience overwhelming grief, shame, shutdown, or experience a feeling in the center of my chest like a vice grip clamping down in mid-conversation, and or in social situations. When this happens, it’s extremely difficult for me to attend or even get viable sentences out. Then I feel more shame for being unable to engage and enjoy, and it becomes a vicious cycle. If I’m not able to remove myself to take a quick break or reset, how do I manage this in the moment?
I took a nasty revenge on my ex-boyfriend because he betrayed me. I felt extremely guilty afterwards and profusely apologized. However, I wasn’t forgiven. I felt extremely rejected, humiliated, and re-wounded all over again. Now I cannot seem to shake the feeling off. I cannot locate the feeling in my body. It’s only in my mind as an eternal loop of events. In the context of SBSM, how can I forgive myself and integrate it? I’ve done the healthy shame work, but how to stop with the toxic shame.
All right, so today, one big broad theme is freeze. Lots of questions about freeze and different ways that it shows up in different people and what happens as we move in and out of it. To start, one of the things to talk about is the physical manifestations of freeze.
In training call five, Irene makes a point to grieve over lack of early childhood self-regulation and trauma and move on, grieve it and move on. I am feeling so stuck in the grieving vortex. I would love tips on how to close that chapter and move on from being angry at my parents
“As I’m able to track my sensations and emotions, I notice it’s easier to cry. To experience sadness and fear, as opposed to anger. And I’m able to rationalize some for the people that have hurt me.” That sounds like maybe you can understand where they were coming from, kind of deal. “They say hurt is under anger, and I don’t want to bypass that emotion altogether.”
In today’s call, Irene gives the example of stubbing her toe and how to work through that in body orienting. Can you please give an example of something happening more emotional than physical and how to work through that in the body? For example, getting into an argument with a spouse or other family member. I feel very triggered by things my spouse says or does, and I know it’s because of my dysregulated nervous system, so I’d like some tips on how to recognize that and release the ball from the pool.
“I know dysregulation often causes reduced hunger and appetite, but can the opposite be true?” You betcha. “I’m always hungry, never satiated. When I intentionally eat a balanced meal, I still feel hunger sensations even if I’m physically full and stuffed. I eat more than enough calories every day, about 2,400. I’m overweight and desire to lose some weight, but I’m so triggered by hunger because of the low blood sugar symptoms, so I remain overweight because I’m hungry all the time and am very uncomfortable with hunger.
My kidneys feel stress and pain whenever I have deep feelings like anger and grief. Can you explain this? I tried to do the kidney adrenal exercise, but it doesn’t seem to help much. Any comment?