Old fears have been arising, especially regarding medical issues. Feels paralyzing. A thought that just arose ‘I've emasculated myself.’ As an older woman, I now have what I wanted, a very small, confined sense of safety regarding living conditions and finance. I'm just managing, yet I feel trapped. I feel hopeless, alone. Glimpses of not wanting to exist, but not suicide, but just pointlessness and apathy. Life forces felt near zero a while. A deep core though keeps saying, "Keep going." You said you had times of feeling you were dying, et cetera. Can you say more about that?