I was described by a family friend as very loving at age two, but then I bullied a child at age five and I was suicidal at age seven, downhill from there and associated for 40 plus years. Overall more overt sympathetic activation. When I think of people, I see images of me as a carcass being picked at, I feel enraged when people need anything from me as it feels they're going to suck the life out of me. I want cry and leave me the F alone. Engaging in healthy aggression and feeling good releases, yet it's not reducing the terror. Suggestions.