I took a nasty revenge on my ex-boyfriend because he betrayed me. I felt extremely guilty afterwards and profusely apologized. However, I wasn't forgiven. I felt extremely rejected, humiliated, and re-wounded all over again. Now I cannot seem to shake the feeling off. I cannot locate the feeling in my body. It's only in my mind as an eternal loop of events. In the context of SBSM, how can I forgive myself and integrate it? I've done the healthy shame work, but how to stop with the toxic shame.